I think "blah" just about sums it up

3 years already, and its still not over. Sure its better, but some days, it looks and feels just like it did before. Troublesome thing... when is it ever going to end?

two-faced

Janus: a Roman god depicted with two faces, one looking back on the past, one to the future. Related to "ianuam", Latin for "door". Fitting, then, that the first month of the year should be named for Janus...

..what, did you actually think I was going to launch into a scathing commentary about two-faced people? Not likely... I just thought I'd stand in the doorway and do a bit of looking both ways myself.

This time last year, I was busy arranging my withdrawal from NTU, busy sorting out what I'd need for Perth, busy meeting up with the people I'd miss. And then O-week passed in a haze of brightly coloured, noisy excitement, dull paperwork, and terrified uncertainty. That first semester didn't seem to want to end, but one thing's for sure: the workload certainly helped push it along. The second semester seemed to go by in a blur... I remember talking to Benedict one night and suddenly realising that hey, a month had passed! It certainly didn't feel like a month then, more like a week. Feeling more at home in Perth this last semester let me cut loose a bit and live more intensely. In every way.

First year, first time away from home, first time at mass, first real Easter... The more frivolous "firsts": first Sri Lankan dance (ahaha that was fun), first KTV (before the exams even ended!), first duet, first KTV competition, first choir concert... And those unenjoyable firsts that made me grow up and grow that little bit stronger, even if I asked "Why me, why now, what to do?" when they happened.

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

This past week, I've also been in a bit of a nostalgic mood, making me look back a little further than I'd originally intended to. Blame it on the music if you will, I certainly won't. It seems like I never outgrew the music I so loved back in secondary school. Four years on, the melodies are just as sweet, the lyrics more resonant.

And those years were so much simpler...

There's only room for improvement this year. None of the slips from the past year, none of the haste or heady recklessness. Enough of the Ds... I want better than that. Enough with the mood swings. I'm taking better care of myself this year. I'm going to be a lot more disciplined this year.

Less than two months before school starts again... am I looking forward to going over? I honestly can't say. I haven't really been thinking about it. When I do, it's not about schoolwork, it's usually about bringing people around, as promised. I guess I'll just deal with the year as it comes.

By the end of the holidays, I'll have saved enough to have bought a few things that I really really want. I'll have designed a few more accessories and clothes. By the end of the year, I'm going to be able to drive. I'll have done well enough to be proud of myself. I'll be a better singer. I'll have taken that step in realising a few dreams. I'll have made a few more mistakes than I'd like, but hopefully... I'll be a better person.