mentre cammino a piedi nudi dentro l'anima

2010-03-14T10:48:00.002+08:00

Gluten free expo!!! The one time I can go out and eat and eat and eat (and buy more food after that) and not worry about whether something in the food is going to make me react really badly. Thank you for coming with me this year, for waiting while I generally acted like a little kid in a huge fantasy playground, and for carrying the shopping. But most of all, thank you for caring. I feel special now :)

hahaha seriously?

2009-06-13T14:41:00.006+08:00

its a good reason to skip school... what about exams? hehehe

I want a note too!

2009-06-13T11:19:00.003+08:00

FCP annoyed me. But I'll be fine, I think. Not sure if the same can be said for ID... And now there's path and pharm to cram for. and legal med.

so, so screwed.

anyway. 7 more days.

with a heater under my desk

2009-06-06T11:35:00.000+08:00

yeah. it's that cold. its pretty hard to study when your toes are freezing and no amount of running them over the heater warms them up.

but study i must. sigh...

2008-11-30T17:14:00.002+08:00

When inspiration hits.... its almost impossible to focus on anything else. and right now, I'm just bursting with ideas. its insane. I'd better start sketching before I forget anything. The good thing is, I have three months to do everything!

wishlist?

2008-11-24T17:43:00.005+08:00

well... I didn't really want to put this up, because so many of these wishes are for things I need but can't really buy... but well, here it is, because Ting wants to see it. and its a long one too.

1. To rebuild that which was lost on 19-10-2008, since I can't turn back time or pretend it never happened.
2. Hair straightener. (and don't say my hair is straight cos it keeps flicking out in weird directions unless its ironed)
3. Get into year 3
4. Wuthering Heights
5. Piano scores. Josh Groban is good – the Awake album, and Remember (from Troy). Hayley Westenra too.
6. A belt. just a plain black one... the elastic sort, preferably adjustable, about 1 inch wide. heh... I have no idea how to describe it better.
7. To know if its you, or alcohol making you act that way. That was no random impulse for me.
8. Ideas! Decorations for a French-Moulin Rouge-cabaret themed dinner... ideas for food and drinks... ideas for the programme... music... ambience... door gifts...
9. Travel!! I wanna go to Geraldton.. Kalbarri... Monkey Mia... Margaret River... Bunbury... Dunsborough... Albany... its annoying how I haven't been out of Perth since arriving in WA.
10. To find a dance partner like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing... if not the technique, then the chemistry and the joy of dancing... or, well, the movie works too.
11. To know what it all means to you and how far you want to take this. Don't leave me hanging on, I want to go forward.
12. Tickets to Phantom of the Opera when it shows in Perth.
13. The words to say.
14. Courage, strength and some self defence. To stay open and honest and me.
15. Music. Lots of new music to listen to and learn.
16. Mineral-based cosmetics
17. To fulfill all my duties as International Rep and do a good job about it
18. And get through year 3 and all the way through my degree to be a competent and respected doctor while I'm at it.
19. Get my license!!!!!!!!! eek.
20. More beads, more wire, more inspiration. Make pretty things!
21. To get rid of all the annoying skin problems that pop up randomly.

Well. Can't be too greedy, can we? I shall just stop here... 21 seems like a good number, hmm? Now don't say you can't find my wishlist!

finding out clarity comes in drips and drabs

2008-11-01T00:09:00.000+08:00

how much of that was honest emotion? Was it you or the alcohol speaking? I really don't know anymore... and its happened more than once. How much do you remember?

you never call me when you're sober.

Each memory a song that never seems to end

2008-10-27T00:10:00.004+08:00

You taught me to live for the moment. To find joy in the simplest things. To savour each occasion, however insignificant, and hold it in my heart.

(The river in the sunset, the road under the full moon.
Step. Spin. Dip. I've got you on my mind.)

To chill out. To confide and find healing. To try something new.

(Wild. Different.)

Trust breaks into shards of terror. Shards that pierce a heart lain bare by honesty. Confusion. Disappointment. Regret.

Restraint. Interpretation. Alter ego. But I remember, and I know I can't be wrong.

(Every time.)

Words in your voice that haunt the emptiness. Tears. Prayers. There's nothing left but to believe.

(No more words.
Life goes on.)

Those were your lessons. This is a test. I won't take failure for an answer.

2008-10-21T13:28:00.004+08:00

forgiveness comes first from within. How is it possible to accept forgiveness from another if you don't believe you deserve it yet? How is it possible to forgive another if you can't forgive yourself?

I'm waiting for a reason. I believe it will happen. We'll know when its time.

Perth royal show.... well, just the last bit

2008-10-08T17:12:00.003+08:00

So after about a week of listening to fireworks and grumbling about not being able to see them from Tommy More, I finally got the chance to go over to Claremont to see the firework display finale.

Those fireworks almost made me cry. Words can't possibly describe how breathtaking they were right above our heads, or how they spiralled up, up, up to trace intricate patterns in the Perth night sky.

Next year... I hope I'll actually have time to spend a whole day at the Royal Show.

Protège-moi

2008-10-01T01:49:00.003+08:00

Ave Maria, veille sur mes jours et sur mes nuits, sur mon amour et ma vie.

Tonight I learnt that you can hear me. Its too soon for another injury, I'm so grateful that someone's watching over me.

Tonight I learnt.... that its not my turn yet, however close I might have been. Help me forget that feeling, it's not yet time. And even though it's disappointing to know I'll have to wait some more, I'm glad I found out now rather than later. And I pray that one day I won't have to wait anymore.

Help me be stronger tomorrow, and every day after that.

That was a lot to ask... but could I make one more request?

MAF in Perth!

2008-09-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

Yup! we celebrated it last Thursday in the alfresco area... nothing like what it would be back at home, but a good night nevertheless. Watching people eat mooncakes, wondering why there aren't any pomelos in Perth, and playing with lanterns! Mooncakes. yum.
Although certain individuals might disagree after trying anything durian-flavoured for the first time. Specifically durian mooncakes. But hey... all in fun, yeah?

"so... what were you doing the last time there was a full moon?" – Jono

Two convocations and a Ball

2008-09-10T23:35:00.009+08:00

*Warning: lots of photos*

Since I doubt I'm going to get any work done tonight, I might as well blog. While eating a hot bowl of beehoon. It's late, but I need the heat.... not that I minded going out in the cold (14ºC, anyone?) because it was Charlene's convocation. Congratulations girl! All the best in your job search, and your new hairstyle is really pretty.

Come to think of it, I haven't slacked off this much since... well since the beginning of semester. Monday was all classes and convocation (Fabian) and celebrations (Cynthia's birthday)... And yes congratulations to you too Fabian! Don't have too much fun with daidee and forget about your thesis ok? Not that I think you will. Please do consider that suggestion I made in the card. Please? Pretty please?

Today's been a good day too... particularly after a few chats. Now I feel that there's going to be some progress. I'm just praying that things will turn out well. Plus... hot breakfast, laska for lunch AND dinner, followed by some bak kut teh that Fabian's mum made. mm. yum.

Tomorrow evening should be good too... we're having MAF in college! I'm looking forward to lanterns and tea and watching people eat 月饼, maybe for the first time. no pomelos though... sigh... What I'm not excited about is the 11-6 schedule with no lunch break. ick. Oh well, there's MAF! I wish I could have gone for the real one in HC, but as it happens, there was a college ball that night anyway.

And what a ball it was. I remember dancing in groups and with only a partner, but I danced with so many people I can only remember the outstanding ones. I'm pretty proud of my hairpiece too. Honestly I had no idea how to make it... but somehow, it worked! And like last year's ball, some people were high, some people trashed... others completely wasted. I think I get high on music alone.

"Is the bus coming?"

"Are we there yet?"

Pretty table setting!

Melvin was this hungry... ready to eat the decorations (that's a crane on a flower) because the food took ages to come.But the wait was so worth it. And then... dancing the night away.R&B master. not me.

Absolutely the most fun dance partner ever. Improvisation. Hell yeah.The gentlemanly partner you can absolutely trust to not drop you.Pretty girls!

And when you're exhausted, its time for lots of pictures.

*snicker* I just heard something really interesting about the showers in the next block... but I won't disclose it in case I traumatise the poor reader. Oh well. bedtime!

each one a line or two

2008-07-26T20:45:00.002+08:00

...and I've been keeping all the letters
that I wrote to you...

To the one I desperately tried to hold on to,
Happy birthday!
It's been ages. "I'm fine... baby how are you?"

To the friend who agreed to start over,
Things have to return to normal, somehow. We'll see what happens... I hope it all works out.

To the one I've gotten to know better over the break,
Oi. "personal jukebox"?!
Thank you for making the break less boring... I'll miss you a lot too!

...I would send them but I know that its just not enough
my words were cold and flat,
and you deserve more than that...

So much more that I want to say... so much more that I don't know how to say...

2008-07-24T20:42:00.001+08:00

I'm not ready to go back... it's not that I don't want to start school. I no longer dread the amount I have to study and the endless contact hours. And so what if I have to handle my own laundry, my own chores, my discipline? I'm almost done packing, I just need another hour or two and I'm good to go.

But I don't want to. Because its not everyday that you get to see people who just understand you. People who, even if they scrutinise your every move, do it out of concern and not boredom. People who aren't 5h away. or more. by plane.

Remember when I made the full set? I can replace this.... but I can't replace you...

Thank goodness for spontaneity... Its just unbelievable that we've not been able to meet as a full group for ages... at best, it's six minus one. I really enjoyed last night's dinner... We'll keep to that promise of another dinner date WITH some dairy products for December, yes? so... "spontaneous much?" And ESTHER WHERE ARE YOU?!
meh.
taken so long ago... the last time we were all together.

Ah well. time to finish packing! meep.

photos!

2008-07-16T00:29:00.015+08:00

I should be asleep... my eyes are grainy and I'm yawning so much that I can't sing properly. But my thoughts are flitting around, lighting on different people, different situations, writing the what-ifs and trying to answer the whys.

hm... guess I could put up some photos... they're long overdue anyway. And maybe sorting through them will calm me enough to catch those thoughts and stuff them back where they belong for the night.

IFD Hawaii!

all the pretty garlanded girls... and that was the first time I ever talked to Erica. she's so sweet! haha.

Benedict you sneaky photographer... but thank you!

My neighbour and I and the flower that I really didn't want to throw away. haha I did wonder what you guys were doing at that table...

haha Fabian's shirt! see. you can stick to the Hawaiian theme and still be formal...I tried to take as many photos as possible before my camera died... I think this is quite possibly the last one I managed to get that night. wannabe models.... *ahem*

I'd say it was a pretty good night... more to come next sem!

2008-07-15T00:35:00.002+08:00

I wish I knew the words to say to cheer you up and help you believe that everything will work out fine. But this voice that dances on a melody trips over its own words... and so, I hope my company will suffice.

2008-07-12T15:37:00.001+08:00

Remember the PBL learning objective about the major causes/risk factors of obesity? We talked about genetics, sedentary activities, diet composition, medication use... and it occurred to me last night that we probably missed one factor: the role that food plays in our social lifestyle. Noodle parties... watching people try to cook yong tau foo... nibbling while studying... nibbling when visiting... ice cream while shopping for presents...

Why all this musing about food? Because I spent most of yesterday eating! Lunch was pretty simple, but the heat outside had a soporific effect, so I dozed off while reading on my bed. Then YJ called... and I ended up accompanying him for his lunch at West Mall while he satisfied his BK craving. I got my sundae pie~ filched some fries, a bit of burger (without the bread), and coke too. After walking around a bit, we went to get some dessert. Turns out I'm not the only one who's partial to soursop! A bit more walking around, then he went home for dinner.

And me? I went off for dinner with YY! see. more food. We probably stayed in Sakae Sushi for over an hour. Maybe two, I dunno... time just passes when you're catching up and eating and looking for more sushi. We both decided to skip dessert at Sakae and get ice cream somewhere else... she wanted Andersen's, I was thinking of hokkaido ice cream. We ended up not getting any... but we weren't too hungry by then anyway.

Truth is, I've been writing this during cooking breaks... yup, I've been cooking since just after lunch for tonight's potluck at Ray's place. Time to pack the food and be off!

this (probably) wouldn't have happened in college

2008-07-02T16:17:00.003+08:00

Yayyy finally home!!! Finally got to see Kai and Annie and Zhai and YY and just walk around and talk. Coming home always makes me so happy... even if I do get bullied. And made to take things from the highest shelves because stuff for YY has to be placed at her eye level and therefore too high for the rest to reach. It was especially fun yesterday cos YY had no idea what was going to happen.

And then we forgot the take the cake from my fridge after dinner. How is it possible to forget the cake on someone's birthday? dear YY's cake is still languishing in my fridge.

I say it (probably) wouldn't have happened in college simply because of the typical birthday plans we have in college, where we usually lure people to wherever the cake is. It's a different story altogether when you intend to bring the cake to someone's house. Oh well....

So now I'm free to reveal that I'm actually home. Its all because of you, ok YY? All for you. To give you a nice big (belated) birthday surprise. And since you pressed me for an answer, you left me with absolutely NO CHOICE but to blatantly lie about not coming home for the month. Just to keep up the charade, I decided not to blog after the exams, even though I was more than free to do it. I'd probably have slipped up with something about packing... and then the game would be over.

Argh. Its too hot. and sticky. Really really miss Perth weather now... something like 18ºC would be heavenly. Kai, pretend you didn't just read that.

Ok. enough of my disjointed thoughts and strange rambling... I'll write more later.

2008-06-30T23:30:00.003+08:00

They say truth hurts. It did, for a little while. Why do something if you don't really mean it?

But it's also liberating.

Merci.

talk about unlucky...

2008-06-16T00:23:00.003+08:00

The power tripped 5 minutes before my radio alarm was set to go off... naturally, I overslept. Good thing it wasn't an exam day though. I should have taken pictures of people studying in the sun that morning. Bright cheery Friday morning... who can resist? Especially when the lack of heat gave us an excuse to study outdoors.

Now. Time for bed. Normal Systems theory tomorrow afternoon.... please please please let me pass... let me remember everything I've studied... let me stay awake and sane long enough to finish this exam and prepare for the rest... let me forget all other distractions until the exams are all over... please? Or is that too much to ask for?

in the cold clammy rain...

2008-06-01T02:06:00.003+08:00

there was warmth.

From Joy who kindly dropped me off this afternoon for my patient visit.
From the sweetest old lady I've ever met.
From hearing Esther's message.
From learning that someone stood up for me.

It was miserable outside today. And there's just so much to do. But tonight, I'm happy.

Je suis malade, complètement malade, parfaitement malade

2008-05-27T11:34:00.004+08:00

oh. oh my goodness. wow.

Je ne rêve plus je ne fume plus
Je n'ai même plus d'histoire
Je suis sale sans toi je suis laid sans toi
Je suis comme un orphelin dans un dortoir

Je n'ai plus envie de vivre ma vie
Ma vie cesse quand tu pars
Je n'ai plus de vie et même mon lit
Se transforme en quai de gare
Quand tu t'en vas

Je suis malade complètement malade
Comme quand ma mère sortait le soir
Et qu'elle me laissait seul avec mon désespoir

Je suis malade parfaitement malade
T'arrives on ne sait jamais quand
Tu repars on ne sait jamais où
Et ça va faire bientôt deux ans
Que tu t'en fous

Comme à un rocher comme à un péché
Je suis accroché à toi
Je suis fatigué je suis épuisé
De faire semblant d'être heureux quand ils sont là

Je bois toutes les nuits mais tous les whiskies
Pour moi ont le même goût
Et tous les bateaux portent ton drapeau
Je ne sais plus où aller tu es partout

Je suis malade complètement malade
Je verse mon sang dans ton corps
Et je suis comme un oiseau mort quand toi tu dors

Je suis malade parfaitement malade
Tu m'as privé de tous mes chants
Tu m'as vidé de tous mes mots
Pourtant moi j'avais du talent avant ta peau

Cet amour me tue et si ça continue
Je crèverai seul avec moi
Près de ma radio comme un gosse idiot
Écoutant ma propre voix qui chantera

Je suis malade complètement malade
Comme quand ma mère sortait le soir
Et qu'elle me laissait seul avec mon désespoir

Je suis malade c'est ça je suis malade
Tu m'as privé de tous mes chants
Tu m'as vidé de tous mes mots
Et j'ai le cour complètement malade
Cerné de barricades t'entends je suis malade

2008-05-22T10:56:00.001+08:00

Have I mentioned that critical appraisals are just so incredibly frustrating? I'd happily shred those articles.

adagio. lara fabian

2008-05-21T20:40:00.007+08:00

I'm supposed to be doing my critical appraisal. But I really love this song...

I don’t know where to find you
I don’t know how to reach you
I hear your voice in the wind
I feel you under my skin
Within my heart and my soul
I'll wait for you
Adagio

All of these nights without you
All of my dreams surround you
I see and I touch your face
I fall into your embrace
When the time is right, I know
You'll be in my arms
Adagio

I close my eyes and I find a way
No need for me to pray
I’ve walked so far
I've fought so hard
Nothing more to explain
I know all that remains
Is a piano that plays

If you know where to find me
If you know how to reach me
Before this light fades away
Before I run out of my faith
Be the only man to say
That you'll hear my heart
That you'll give your life
Forever you'll stay

Don't let this light fade away
No No No No No
Don't let me run out of faith
Be the only man to say
That you believe, make me believe
You won't let go
Adagio

2008-05-19T09:49:00.001+08:00

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find my ground
'Cause I keep on falling as
I try to get away from this crazy world

if one dream can come true...

2008-05-04T21:19:00.000+08:00

then I will love someone like you

a breather...

2008-04-29T22:26:00.000+08:00

I really hope I can pass today's midsem... though I guess it could have been worse. And after spending pretty much the entire break cramming for it, I'm definitely not inclined to do any work tonight.

might as well catch up on the backlog of posts, hmm?

So... I promised Zhai ages ago to blog about the last formal dinner. Its almost ridiculous how long its been since... considering that the next formal dinner is next Saturday. I had a seriously good time dancing with Jono and Josh Boyle that night. Hopefully there'll be more dancing next week.

K block! and I like my dress. heehee

our table...

Caleb and I had absolutely no idea they decided to pop into the photo... but it seems to have turned out ok..

Speaking of dance... Andres and Daniel were teaching us salsa a few weeks back, on Daniel's birthday... so fun!!! A few of us have been talking about having dance nights... nothing's happened yet. soon, perhaps. Anna's really really good at merengue, and she also showed us a bit of Iranian traditional dance. And Jono picks up dance steps really fast... we were salsa-ing and cha-cha-ing in Sheng's room one night last week.

So, no, the midsem break wasn't all about cramming. I exaggerated. There was a bit of fun... starting with KTV on the first day of the break followed by a bit of shopping. Then some of the other K-blockers had a drinking night on Thursday. And someone ended up pretty high while the rest simply crashed and went to sleep. So I ended up running around with her for a bit (and being very amused!) until she was finally convinced to go back to her room to sleep. Thank you so much for the help Don... I seriously doubt I could have done it alone. We all ended up sleeping until lunch time. Yes, even this non-drinker.

Going to the city with Poh Fung this Friday!!! Yayyy~ For now... time for me to be off. buenas noches~

no hot water?!?!

2008-04-22T21:15:00.002+08:00

The poor K blockers had to take freezing cold showers tonight because there was no hot water. At all. And I had to be the one to discover it (because no one else was in). And the water in the back wing, apparently, is dirty. I wonder what's going on... Let's hope its ok tomorrow.

On a more positive note... the GP visit was really really productive today!

I wanna watch a movie tonight... don't think I will though... big bad headache.

Arwen's song

2008-04-16T11:16:00.003+08:00

with a sigh you turn away
with a deepening heart
no more words to say
you will find that the world has changed
forever
and the trees are now turning from green to gold
and the sun is now fading

I wish I could hold you closer

Its so pretty....
if one dream can come true, then I will love someone like you

school again.

2008-03-02T10:16:00.003+08:00

It begins tomorrow. And the one thing that annoys me is the lack of a fixed lunch break! Oh well... what to do. Just pack lunch.

Anyway! Some pics of my new room. Because I know us_six wants to see.

From the front door. Oh the mess.

From my desk (look! Orlando! Johnny Depp!)

View from the back door.

The view from my balcony... my old room is somewhere in that building.

I think "blah" just about sums it up

2008-01-26T17:42:00.000+08:00

3 years already, and its still not over. Sure its better, but some days, it looks and feels just like it did before. Troublesome thing... when is it ever going to end?

two-faced

2008-01-05T12:25:00.001+08:00

Janus: a Roman god depicted with two faces, one looking back on the past, one to the future. Related to "ianuam", Latin for "door". Fitting, then, that the first month of the year should be named for Janus...

..what, did you actually think I was going to launch into a scathing commentary about two-faced people? Not likely... I just thought I'd stand in the doorway and do a bit of looking both ways myself.

This time last year, I was busy arranging my withdrawal from NTU, busy sorting out what I'd need for Perth, busy meeting up with the people I'd miss. And then O-week passed in a haze of brightly coloured, noisy excitement, dull paperwork, and terrified uncertainty. That first semester didn't seem to want to end, but one thing's for sure: the workload certainly helped push it along. The second semester seemed to go by in a blur... I remember talking to Benedict one night and suddenly realising that hey, a month had passed! It certainly didn't feel like a month then, more like a week. Feeling more at home in Perth this last semester let me cut loose a bit and live more intensely. In every way.

First year, first time away from home, first time at mass, first real Easter... The more frivolous "firsts": first Sri Lankan dance (ahaha that was fun), first KTV (before the exams even ended!), first duet, first KTV competition, first choir concert... And those unenjoyable firsts that made me grow up and grow that little bit stronger, even if I asked "Why me, why now, what to do?" when they happened.

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

This past week, I've also been in a bit of a nostalgic mood, making me look back a little further than I'd originally intended to. Blame it on the music if you will, I certainly won't. It seems like I never outgrew the music I so loved back in secondary school. Four years on, the melodies are just as sweet, the lyrics more resonant.

And those years were so much simpler...

There's only room for improvement this year. None of the slips from the past year, none of the haste or heady recklessness. Enough of the Ds... I want better than that. Enough with the mood swings. I'm taking better care of myself this year. I'm going to be a lot more disciplined this year.

Less than two months before school starts again... am I looking forward to going over? I honestly can't say. I haven't really been thinking about it. When I do, it's not about schoolwork, it's usually about bringing people around, as promised. I guess I'll just deal with the year as it comes.

By the end of the holidays, I'll have saved enough to have bought a few things that I really really want. I'll have designed a few more accessories and clothes. By the end of the year, I'm going to be able to drive. I'll have done well enough to be proud of myself. I'll be a better singer. I'll have taken that step in realising a few dreams. I'll have made a few more mistakes than I'd like, but hopefully... I'll be a better person.

randomness II

2007-12-07T01:08:00.000+08:00

Randomness stems from boredom. Here goes....

Saw this on Cass' and Fabian's blogs and thought I'd just fill it in for fun:

RULES:
1.) You can only answer either guilty or innocent..
2.) You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks! (So people reading this, if you want an explanation...mEssage that person)

GAME:
Danced on a table in a bar?
A: innocent

Ever told a lie?
A: guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can't
have?
A: guilty

Kissed a picture?
A: guilty

Slept in until 5 PM?
A: innocent

Fallen asleep at work/school?
A: guilty

Held a snake?
A: innocent

Worked at a fast food restaurant?
A: innocent

Sang karaoke?
A: guilty

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
A: guilty

Done something you regret?
A: guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
A: innocent

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
A: innocent

Kissed in the rain?
A: innocent

Sat on a roof top?
A: innocent

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
A: innocent

Shaved your head
A: innocent

Slept naked?
A: innocent

Been in a club?
A: innocent

Shot a gun?
A: innocent

Donated Blood?
A: innocent

Eaten alligator meat?
A: innocent

Eaten cheesecake?
A: guilty

Still love someone you "shouldn't"?
A: innocent

Have a tattoo?
A: innocent

Like someone, but will never tell who?
A: guilty

Hang out with people you shouldn't?
A: innocent

Wanted to do something, didn't do it, and regret It?
A: guilty

Been too honest?
A: guilty

Cursed at someone coz he/she's not calling?
A: innocent

Ruined a surprise?
A: innocent

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you cant walk afterwards?
A: innocent

Erased someone in your friends list?
A: guilty

Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) man's clothes (if your a girl)?
A: guilty

Joined in a search for Mr Pogi pageant (if your a guy) Ms Beautiful pageant (if your a girl)?
A: innocent

Got totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning?
A: innocent

A total stranger treat you by paying your jeepney fare?
A: innocent

Get totally angry that you cried so hard?
A: innocent

My brother just showed me this... love the ending!

and this...

*hugs* to Bon... no need to feel shitty! we love you!!! Make a decision you'll be happy with, ok?

yes I realise this isn't much of a post... I've been in a rather odd mood lately, having things to write about but not knowing how to put them into words. Oh well... too late to write more. Time for bed!

my source of amusement this evening

2007-11-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

www.freerice.com

Found this through Dawn, and yeah! it's addictive. Not to mention that it's going to feed people... I like feeding people, how could I pass this one up?

gaps in my memory? hopefully not!

2007-11-20T15:11:00.000+08:00

I'd better fill in some gaps here.... about all that's happened since the last time I blogged. But first... HOME!!!! so very happy to be home, to be sleeping on a nice firm mattress every night, to have the vegetables and soup I was craving. (no fish yet though)

So... gap number 1: Valete.
The last formal dinner of the year to send graduates and leavers off. Speeches were made, awards presented, photos taken... and there was a (very well-made) video to summarise the whole year. But the dancing was half-hearted most of the time, I guess we were all just too stressed about the exams to really enjoy ourselves.

Taken just after mass

we robbed the guys of their jackets... I wore (drowned in?) Don's.

oh no! what shall I do?

gap 2: studying (skiving?), also known as camping in various libraries. My room is definitely not a good place to study... I just keep falling asleep at random intervals. All I have to do is sit down and my head will hit the table. All that camping had better pay off.

gap 3: birthdays!!! Andrew, Persis, me, Char... Good breaks from studying! (think we'd have gone crazy if not for those little parties) For Andrew's, everyone went to his back door to surprise him... the poor guy got un-extinguishable (I know that's not a word) candles *evil laugh*. Persis got the elaborate one... first her bed scattered with roses and placed in a Jacaranda tree, then a mini-celebration with ONE slice of cheesecake and an impromptu mariachi band comprising of whoever was in the library at that time, dinner out, and finally a big celebration in H block. Char's was the day before our flight home, so we had the usual JCR party, though everyone was really quite tired and dead from packing and dinner and shopping. Her fight with Cass over their slippers was so funny... so aggressive! And Aaron got drunk (on cocktails and Tequila, I'm told) on his birthday and gave me a drunken phone call that night (talk about drunk dialing...). Yiying wouldn't reveal his birthday until the day after, the sneaky fellow.

I share my birthday with Nadia!!! We MUST go out soon ok... to make up for the studying we had to do that day. I got my first ever ice cream cake... ...thank you Bonbon! Now I know why you were asking me about my three favourite flavours: to actually make the cake!!! Ahh... a cake that I can eat. It made me impossibly full and soporific though. so very grateful and thankful. *hugs all around* and I got a pretty sparkler too! Thank you Char for the pretty comb and ring and earrings, I'll need to get earholes/ change the earrings to clip-ons. Thanks to everyone for coming... really made me feel like a little kid. A happy little kid!

Sad... Bon's going to Melbourne.................. *sulk*
I'm glad you liked your card... did Ericius sign it in the end? I'm going to miss Bonbon... silly rain, made us miss our sunrise. I would have gone for supper with you guys but I really needed to sleep. Not that I actually slept in the end. Made up for it by napping on the flight, and sleeping for 12h when I got home.

ah... home... I really don't like the heat! And I'm already starting to be busy, not that I mind. KTV on Thursday! whee~

Just to wrap up.. jacarandas! pretty purple flowers for YY!

one more

2007-11-13T18:57:00.000+08:00

one more paper to go! 20 more hours, and I'm free. In 24h time, I'll be in Northbridge, getting ice cream.

I think I've lost the study mood though. But no, I can't sacrifice tomorrow's lab. I've got a ton of updates but they'll just have to wait. Time to be studious again!

thank goodness for my rice cooker. and slow cooker.

2007-10-28T15:39:00.000+08:00

But I need more than rice! I feel like eating 小白菜. Steamed fish. Taugeh. Simple things like that. And tonight's dinner is... roast.

...sigh...

9 days
21 days.

some thoughts while eating instant beehoon

2007-10-23T13:34:00.000+08:00

(no, not ABOUT the beehoon.)

We had laska for lunch in college today! which I couldn't eat... but thanks for calling me for lunch anyway, Fabian. So now I'm having beehoon with tamari sauce in my room. And a bit of yoghurt. Hopefully it will sustain me until dinner.

Oh! James has pansies and geraniums and sweet peas and lavender in his room! Haha he called me over just now, saying "I have something to show you." Turned out to be the flowers... so pretty! Thanks for showing me... I'm all happy and high now. by the way, YY, most of the flowers were purple! I have a feeling I'll be seeing more flowers next year. I really hope I get that room... pleasepleaseplease let me move in there...

And I got another nice surprise when I went for lecture just now... Clarise gave me a whole bag of bananas. Which just cracked us both up. Having one banana now... so ripe and sweet!

Seriously, with friends like these, it doesn't matter that my efforts over a certain issue haven't given any results. No change at all. But I've done what I can, it's up to you now, and if you won't take the opening now... well it will always be there. Whenever you're ready. It's really up to you now to change things. I'm at peace with what's going on. Not happy about it, but I accept it.

oh yes... did this a few days ago when I got sick of anatomy.

You Are An INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow.
You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation.

At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

What's Your Personality Type?

Music update: Just discovered that I really shouldn't listen to duets when I'm studying. I can't concentrate as well, because I'll be too fixated on the harmonies. I've been hooked on duets and on 恋东方 since Saturday.

Aha! Finished my beehoon! just as I ran out of things to write about too... good timing!

2007-10-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

thinking too much about something might well make it come true. whether you want it to or not

better to not think so much

things to do and things to look forward to

2007-10-16T17:48:00.000+08:00

1. Study genetics
2. Study cell metabolism
3. Study CVS anatomy
4. Thursday afternoon: finish FCP
5. KTV on Saturday! and
6. Choir dinner on Sunday!

It's getting hot... I feel the need for shorts and skirts. And I have neither. Nor do I have the time/means to shop. Too bad then, just burn...

Yes Dawn, I'm going home!! For about 3 months. miss me?

20 days.

32 days.

Think I'll nap before dinner.

two weeks

2007-10-14T02:22:00.000+08:00

Two busy weeks, to be precise... even the weekends have been crammed full of activity and studying.

Makes me wonder why I went for the Quad Party... after the Mid-Autumn celebration/bbq, no less. For which I ended up dancing in a long green skirt and pink windbreaker, because Kul needed a ChangEr for Anthony's HouYi. Oh and the suns died pretty amusing deaths, I must say. No mooncakes for me though... *sighs* and then the Friday night mood took over, sending me over to Miri's room to figure out what to wear to the quad party in place of clothes.

And then the study mood pushed me back to making FCP notes at about 10pm. Thankfully that mood lasted over the weekend and right up to lunch time on Wednesday, or I wouldn't have studied as much as I did, what with choir rehearsals and practicing for the competition. The midsem wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... pretty sure I won't fail it. *crosses fingers*

I'm just glad that Talent Night was after FCP. I doubt I could have had that much fun otherwise. Congrats to Chris Lee, you're amazing man!

珊瑚海 with Chin Loon

新不了情

Susanty!!!

Thanks to everyone who came!

Then Thursday night comes by and guess what? There's choir again! (what's new...?) And Spring Feast! Where I had pulut hitam... sweet corn... teh tarik... honeydew sago... chicken satay... and got to watch Chris perform again! wonder where that random waterbottle came from though. Did anyone note its trajectory before it hit the stage and burst?

As for Friday, well... I meant to finish up FCP in the afternoon, but went shoe shopping (alone... *sniffles*) instead. How I managed to spend TWO WHOLE HOURS on a single pair of simple, not-too-formal, low-heeled black shoes, I'll never know. In YY's words... black formal shoes... you'd think it would be easy. but noooo...........

And then Saturday was gone too, in a rush of preparing for the Ball, singing, dressing up, taking College photos and dressing up again, before finally scrambling onto the bus to Hilton. It was an enjoyable night, to say the least...

3 pretty girls and their bodyguards

Someone's hungry... and the bus isn't even here yet!

James' creation
Pretty lights over the dance floor

Me, Gen, Fabian, Joy, Jono, Miriam, Chin Loon

Ericius and Melvin...

Highlights of the night:1. dessert! I got to eat chocolate cake!!! SAFE chocolate cake, with chocolate, chocolate sauce and chocolate ice cream. sheer bliss. I will forever be thankful to the chef for creating a menu suited to pickypickyme.

2. Wilson got so drunk he fell asleep halfway through dinner and had to take a taxi back to college...
3. Funny... I thought I had more pictures of the dance floor... oh well, doesn't matter. Pretty much everyone was dancing, and I must say, there's quite a number of good dancers. Yes Jono, I look forward to dancing with you again too! I didn't know most of the songs, but who cares... all so dance-inducing... Oh and if my hair looks red, it's because Miri and I coloured it that day. And washed it off again that night.
4. Turns out Ericius was drunk enough to get us to sing Locus Iste, This Joy, Bogor (can't spell the full title) and Ave Verum Corpus on the bus back to college (and not really remember it the next day). The most interesting comment of the night? "These Asians... how can they sing so well when they're drunk?" Why thank you, we got the right starting notes and stayed on pitch. (But I don't drink.)

The next three days were taken up by mugging, choir, more mugging, more choir, and falling sick. gah. And if that wasn't enough... there was still more mugging and more choir! Just look at the to-do list in the last post and you'll know what I mean.

As with every other performance... I'm relieved that the concert is over (no more hectic practices on top of school work... almost exam time...), but there's still that sense of loss. Well... I think "The Great Southland" was well done... as were "Receive the Power" and "Locus Iste". Wonder what everyone thinks of "O Bone Jesu"? I haven't heard anything about it... On the other hand... "Ecce Fidelis Servus" lacked emotion, and "Festival Sanctus" lacked energy. Again, thanks to everyone who came!

singing made me hungry...

To end off (and to show that I'm really not just playing, I'm studying too!)... here's another to-do list.
1. Finish NS Anatomy take-home quiz by 4pm Sunday
2. Finish NS Physiology lab report by 4pm Sunday
3. Finalise FCP portfolio by 11pm Sunday
4. Finish MGC lab reports by Monday 3pm
5. Finish preparing for NS Anatomy lab by Monday 6pm
6. Genetics. Quiz on Thursday (ick).
7. CVS anatomy. This week.
8. Cell metabolism. This week
9. Next FCP PBL by Saturday noon... because...
10. KTV on Saturday! and
11. Choir dinner on Sunday!

Exam countdown: 23 days to first paper (oh dammit)

35 days before I'm home...

My bed calls.

things to do this week

2007-10-09T13:34:00.000+08:00

1. prepare for NS anatomy lab by midnight
2. prepare for NS physiology lab by midnight
3. prepare for MGC lab (last lab! YAY!!!) by midnight
4. finalise FCP clinical skills workbook by thursday afternoon
5. finalise FCP portfolio by sunday afternoon
6. choir practice 7-9++ pm tonight
7. choir concert 7-10++ pm tomorrow
8. study!!!
9. random things...

Exam countdown: 28 days to first paper

39 days before I see home~

just a quick one before I go for class

2007-10-09T10:25:00.000+08:00

I think I've got most of the Ball pictures... I just don't feel like blogging about it yet. I know that once I do, I'll take ages to finish it, and there's no way I'll finish before I have to leave for lecture. So... another time.

The concert is tomorrow night and I have a sore throat. oh joy.

You know what? I will pray, and pray hard.

bad idea, good result

2007-09-26T12:08:00.000+08:00

Bad idea: fall asleep (or come close to it) during Brenton Knott's genetics lectures... need to take notes of pretty much everything he says, and half-asleep handwriting is simply illegible.

Good result: wake up refreshed for anatomy lab!!!

Lara Fabian – Broken Vow

2007-09-25T13:30:00.000+08:00

Gosh... the power... the intensity... and the voice. I really prefer this original version to Josh Groban's (not that he isn't stunning too). I'll get there one day.

truth

2007-09-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

I've said time and again, it's what I wanted, and I have no regrets. So why do I still feel so messed up? Why do I still react so strongly to you? And the truth came out from the long talk with Bon last night.

I remember telling you this before:
I'll miss you if you go.

Mi mancherai, se te ne vai

Last night I took a good look inside myself, and I know it to be true.

Mi guardo e trovo un vuoto dentro me
Quando mi guardo intorno E sento che mi manchi

I've missed you from the moment you got on that plane. Perhaps you didn't know it, but you had an extra item in your luggage that day... because some of my happiness went with you.

E l'allegria, amica mia, va via con te

Last night I admitted to myself, I miss you, I miss what we had.

Mi manchi

It hits me at random times: when I see a sunset that you'd love to take a picture of, when I see happy loving couples, when I pick up a pink top (one of them, though I have many). When it turns cold and I know you'd love it. Certain songs, even lights... When I come across something extremely nerdy, when I'm stressed and tell myself to let go and relax a while.

Quando il sole da la mano all'orizzonte...

Let go? You're making it awfully hard for me to do that.

Nei tuoi sguardi
E in quell sorriso un pò incosciente
Nelle scuse di quei tuoi probabilmente
Sei quell nodo in gola che non scende giù
E tu e tu

Sometimes I wish I could just call you again, that we could have those talks that go on until 3am. Little things like that... and I guess... I'm just living in the shadow of what was.

Come l'ombra di qualcosa ancora mia.

I can pretend to be okay, but I miss you.

Posso far finta di star bene ma mi manchi

Soon I won't have to pretend. One day, I'll be okay. Mi manchi, I miss what we had, but I won't go back. Because we haven't had any of that for a long time, we didn't just lose it. I'm not turning back, I'm not coming back. We've all got to move on somehow.

I could find someone else, but that would be wrong, that would be cheating. Cheating myself, cheating him, cheating you.

Mi manchi e potrei
Cercarmi un'altra donna ma m'ingannerei

I'm not going to look back. It's taken me long enough to come to this decision, and I know it's what I want, that I'll have no regrets.

I don't hate you. I still care, I'll still be your friend. But nothing more

impulsive again

2007-09-22T21:49:00.000+08:00

Running out to Matilda Bay in the cold, just to see fireworks. It's insane and impulsive... and induces an absolute high~

so pretty!!!! I'm going again tomorrow

2007-09-22T11:43:00.000+08:00

I flipped through a book and thought it was good, all of it. Then I started reading it, and I saw that the writing wasn't always good, that the content wasn't always that gripping, that the summary on the back cover only shows off and emphasises the selling points. I'm glad I got prodded into reading it closely, and for the help I got in reading is, cos literature really isn't my strong point. And I'm really glad I didn't buy the book in the end

2007-09-22T10:58:00.001+08:00

I woke up confident this morning. Confident that I'm free, or will be, sometime soon. Confident that I'm stubborn enough to get what I want. That I won't succumb to the temptation and change my mind.

week 38...

2007-09-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

...hasn't been great so far. And as pessimistic as it sounds, it doesn't seem to be getting any better (guess what? it's already Friday!)... lots left to do, and not enough time...

Why bad? Hm.... let's just say... a combination of tests and certain people.

At least the midsem is over. It wasn't great by any means, but it's over, and that's a relief. Today's quiz is a sure-fail, because 1. I didn't feel like studying after the midsem, and 2. I skipped a lecture.

I hear you gasp. Choops skipped a lecture? Choops not study? That's a first. But honestly, would YOU study for a 0.5% quiz after slogging for more than a week on a midsem? I think my time was far better spent out having ice cream and bubble tea, and admiring the view from Kings Park at night. Just like how it was better to go for choir to get rid of all the stress before studying properly, than stare at the notes for two hours and not absorb a single bit of it.

And I really wish I had the guts to say some things to people, in their face. But if I did it, it would just seem completely aggressive and uncalled for to onlookers. So I'll just say it here:

1. Now you know it's you. (I don't think you're THAT clueless)
2. Don't play with me. Don't amuse yourself at my expense. I can take jokes, but there's gotta be a limit, people.
3. Telling me isn't good enough. You have to prove yourself. Show me.
4. And if you were sincere, I wouldn't have to tell you that.

For all that, I don't hate you, nor am I angry. I'm annoyed and confused and slightly at a loss, but I still consider you my friends. Because I've always been able to see your good sides, and I've always known that no one is perfect.

For someone I thought was a good friend: did I do something wrong? Because you're being strangely distant. I've seen that sort of distance before from you, but this time, I'm on the receiving end and I don't know why. If it's something I did, I'll gladly make amends because this distance just isn't right. But I can't do it right if I don't know what's gone wrong.

A visit to Imladris

2007-09-16T11:01:00.000+08:00

Araluen isn't Imladris, but it's definitely pretty enough, and far enough from the city to be surreal. Plus it's best visited in September...
...when all the flowers have finally blossomed... a sea of tulips when we visited on Tuesday...
So! First to find a bbq pit... good thing we got there early, or we might not have been able to get a pit.The chefs...
...at the feast of Elrond. Find Elrond.The main course...
...guests at the feast... What made it better was being serenaded by a tenor. Apparently, someone was promoting his cd, and was performing somewhere in Araluen. His rendition of "You Raise Me Up" was so similar to Josh Groban... it had me fooled. And the same for "Music of the Night"... Didn't get to watch him though, because the Fellowship set off on the quest to take as many photos as possible right after lunch, and he was gone by the time we got back.The Fellowship!Our fearless leader tries to figure out our route. "Hmm... I think it's.... THAT way!""Gandalf! Is it left or right?" We went left, in the end... How very fitting that we ended up in an area under construction after that. Not really Mordor, but definitely not pretty.
"Get off the road!!!!!" – the road that led to the only barren area in the park. Maybe they're making a carpark? Who knows... all we saw were piles of soil and rock, and tree trunks lined up on the ground.Don tries to conquer the mountain of rubble:
"Don! It's not stable!"
"...stable..." (makes rock wobble)
But that was just one corner of Araluen... it soon became pretty again!all MINE!!!
and hmm....? What's Fabian looking at?
in the Rose Garden
This might have been the stream we heard on our way into the park, who knows?
And this is the stream I got my feet wet in on our way back...
Spotted by Anthony!
Back in the main area of the park, at the end of the quest, when we went slightly crazy and entirely too eager to use the camera.*gasp* "The lamppost from Narnia!!!" – the last bit of insanity before it started raining and we had to go home...
Apparently, it costs AUD$500 for a lifetime membership, with unlimited free entry to the park. Anyone wants to sponsor me?

Kai knows I'm impulsive

2007-08-31T21:26:00.000+08:00

...and by the end of this post she'll be glad I was impulsive on Tuesday afternoon.

So there I was, quite exhausted after finishing up some anatomy. And I looked out the window and saw a rainbow shimmering, its beauty ephemeral. Then I was out the door and on the field just in front of my block, camera in hand, trying to get a good shot of the camera.
But the trees were in my way... so off I went to Matilda Bay to get a better angle. Hopefully. Unfortunately the traffic was against me... so I had to wait quite a while to actually cross the road... which also meant that the rainbow was disappearing while I waited.

From this:
To this:
And then I decided to take a few more shots...

2007-08-26T16:22:00.000+08:00

"but... like that... you just let all your dreams move away?"

I haven't been a good sister

2007-08-24T19:26:00.001+08:00

He's annoying, exasperating, childish, stubborn, sometimes selfish. And I used to get so irritated with him (still do, actually), because he never seemed to listen, and always seemed so short with me.

But he's also thoughtful, determined, hardworking, considerate, sometimes sensitive. And tonight, he listened. Tonight, we talked. Tonight, I really miss him. And I know, I'm going to change.

My little brother just made me cry. And I don't mind. I don't mind at all.

I'm happy.

Dance, it keeps you alive

2007-08-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

I forgot what it's like to be sore from dance. Last night brought it all back. And I love it, I love the ache that comes with every step up and down the stairs today. I love the sheer exhilaration that comes with dancing. I remember now the joy that comes from focusing on the power and the grace and the deceptive weightlessness of every single movement. The awareness of every part of your body as you move through the exercises. Proprioception, love it. And even though I had absolutely no leotard or shoes, and got lost at some point, it just makes me want to go back.

And I will, but not next Monday. Next Monday... I'm going to try salsa. And then I know I'll have to make the choice.

Ballet, or salsa?

so this is me

2007-08-21T17:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why I care so much for other people. Then Fabian said, maybe it's your nature, it's not a bad thing to care for your friends and to have them trust you and ask you for help. Just give them the good and move on, or you'll only end up hurting yourself.

And that just made so much sense.

But it still hurts. Even though I've made a conscious decision to separate their problems from my own and not let myself get too worked up about it. It hurts to care and to try to help someone, when that someone doesn't realise it and every offer you make is unknowingly turned down. Or worse, when that someone doesn't even want to help himself. And its so much worse when it's not just one person, but a few. I've all but given up on one, but not the others. I feel bad giving up though, even though he makes me so angry I can't even stand the sight of him now. Sometimes I wonder if they're just making excuses to hide that they're not interested in putting in work. The one thing I know, is that I'm trying to help them understand the work. I never asked them to do more, I don't have the right to. I don't want to stress them more than they already are. And having felt that level of stress before, I know it makes life hell.

I'm too stubborn, I know. Mama always said so. She also said I'm too proud, that I get too passionate about things, care too much, too easily. And I never wanted to listen, I always argued that she was wrong. But now, I'm not too proud to admit that she's always been right, and that the qualities (yeah, wrong word here, too lazy to think of the right word) she listed then are responsible for the heartache now.

So this is me. If only I knew how to make all those qualities work for me.

I believe its right to care, to try to help. I would willingly take on my friends problems, because I don't like to see them alone and hurting. Yet I'd never press the issue. You don't have to tell me the problem if you don't want to, but I'd help you in anyway I can. The ironic thing is, I hate to burden others with my problems.

So when you scolded me for not calling, for thinking you'd be too busy, I cried. I cried knowing I have the best friends anyone could want. I cried knowing you were all too far away, wishing I didn't have to be alone here at the worst time in my life. It's not that I don't have friends here, its not that I can't trust them. Would it make sense if I said that it didn't feel right to bother them? I cried, frustrated that the people here I put in so much effort for, don't even seem to give a damn. And I hoped that it's only because they don't know how to express it. I hope all they need is time. I need that patience. I need the strength to be patient and to support them when the stress gets too much for them.

I always wanted to make "us" work, and when it didn't, it finally drained me of what emotional strength I had left in me. And now, every time it seems I'm getting it back, I lose it again. I don't blame you for anything. I don't regret anything. I just want that strength back. The strength to at least zip up my problems inside and look happy instead of grouchy. The strength to persist in what I believe in, to push on with studying. To wait patiently and to give help when it's needed. To not feel hurt when it's rejected. To know exactly what I'm feeling, exactly what I want.

I want to sing and dance out of joy again.

2007-08-11T17:09:00.001+08:00

Ming Yuan, if you ever read this, I hope you're well. Take care, okay? We'll miss you

randomness

2007-08-10T19:49:00.000+08:00

Hi Nadia!!! I didn't know you read my blog until you mentioned it yesterday... so I'll try to update it more often, k? Haha I think my posts are so long because I don't update that often.

*****

I'm getting sick of the rain... but well, it's winter, I didn't expect it to be dry either. My umbrella hasn't inverted yet, and I hope it won't.

Take Monday for example. It was so wet, there were ducks having breakfast in the quad.
I was so amused, I just had to take a photo. Even if I did get weird looks and comments like "You ran ALL THE WAY from your room just to take photos of a couple of DUCKS?!" Ducks are cute.

It rained AGAIN when we went over to Joel's (Maisie is so cute!!! I want to go play with her again!) Then it stopped when we got back to school for MGC. Only to start again when the session ended... what the...

The good thing is, it didn't rain while we were out for lunch yesterday (thanks Weihao!!). I wonder what people must have been thinking... a group of asian kids, most in red and white, walking and laughing down Northbridge, having dimsum and bubble tea for lunch. Not that we cared.

Then last night, we went to the Tav to watch the NDP. I feel somewhat cheated though... we got there thinking YAY! We get to watch it even though we can't go home. And then, we found out it was the preview parade. Honestly, MPs were never that young. And I really don't like the guy who got out of the Murcielago and ruined the whole image of the car by prancing and spinning around in such a gay manner. Still, it was something to be able to watch the parade. And honestly, when else would we get the chance to hear the national anthem being played here?

Maybe I'm just homesick. I certainly was earlier this week.

Oh yes before I forget.... photos from last Saturday's formal dinner...

jing jing! jing-a-ling... jing-a-what... jingle bells

trying to yank Sheng's tie off him. Mickey Mouse tie. cute.

oh man... no comments.

So Kai, I'm nuts, aren't I? It was freezing (and raining!) that night, and I went in that little dress. Without the shawl, for the most part.

I've spent enough time in front of the com... time to study. It's too cold to iron now... bleh.

what a difference a day makes

2007-08-10T18:53:00.000+08:00

Suddenly a part of your identity is gone, changed. Suddenly you're no longer burdened, but free. Suddenly you're not crying anymore. And you know that you have no regrets.

2007-08-06T11:46:00.001+08:00

what have I done?! I must be stupid. And what now?

I've never hated myself this much or felt so lost.

I'd curse and swear, but that's not me. Not at all.

overdue

2007-08-04T23:27:00.002+08:00

The title says it all. I went to King's Park on the first day of school (read: almost two weeks ago), and its only now that I realise... I haven't blogged about it!

oops

So what triggered the memory? Fabian did, actually, Friday evening. He'd taken Wanlin and I out for dinner in Northbridge (Korean food. yum. definitely go again). We drove through King's Park on the way back, and he asked if I'd ever seen the view of the city from the park at night. I hadn't... because after almost 5 months here in Perth, I've barely been out exploring. And only gone up King's Park twice. I know, boring me. I've got another 5.5 years to slowly explore the whole of WA though. Maybe more. Anyway, he told me to look left as we passed through... and I couldn't keep my eyes off the view.

Pity I didn't have a camera with me then. So we'll just have to settle for daytime views instead...

So. Rewind two weeks. Joel drove Arthur, Hui, and I there. I won't say the weather was good, Perth's weather has been rather fickle lately ("to rain, or not to rain..."), but we did have some rain-free spells to run around. Well, I ran around taking photos... the three of them have been here long enough to avoid acting all touristy.

I guess most people who go to King's Park go to see the Western Australia War Memorial first, and the Eternal Flame. The flame is set in a pool, surrounded by a ring of flowers and another of steps, with the different battles carved into the stone. The Memorial itself is directly in front of that, and overlooking the Swan River.
While taking those photos, I also noticed a rainbow... Kai, this one's for you!I remember it poured after that, and the rainbow was nowhere to be seen when the rain stopped a second time. No matter... I busied myself with taking pictures of the Swan River and the areas south of the river.
Pretty, no? We decided to explore other parts after that. Really, the place is just huge... nowhere near the size of Stanley Park in Vancouver (which I love, by the way... I'd really love to go back there someday), but still hard to cover in a few hours. The next place we went to... well, I've forgotten the name, Arthur probably knows, since he suggested we visit it. And again, I went nuts with the photo-taking... Which, of course, prompted him to say, "You have six years to do this!!!"
Aren't the fountains just beautiful? And that tiny waterfall is pretty too...
I got back from my photo-taking spree to find the three of them right where I'd left them, sitting on a bench under a tree. Only now, Joel was torturing a flock of hungry birds...
Arthur suggested Synergy Parkland after that, so he drove there. I took more videos than photos there, it seems. Pity...

So that was my original plan for the day. FCP, lunch, a trip out, and then study at night. But I didn't do any studying in the end. Well, it was only the first day... Ben brought us (me, Dan, KY) to Northbridge that night for bubble tea (the boys) and ice cream (me). Then we had a long talk about study groups and people and random things in general over bubble tea and ice cream.

And after that? Did we go back to college? Nope... instead, we did one of the more insane things I've ever tried here. Perhaps the most insane. Drive out to Cottesloe beach. At 10pm. Then walk along the beach, with the wind threatening to blow me off my feet, raindrops falling and scattering transient jewels in our hair, and the waves crashing on the sand. I didn't know whether I would freeze or be blown away, but I must say, it was rather thrilling to feel the wind and the cold. (Kai. Don't give me that look. I know you think I'm nuts now.) It was too dark to take a proper picture... pity, that. It was so grand, so humbling, so beautiful. Thanks for inviting us out, Ben. We should go again, when you're free.

So that was my first day of the semester. No homework, and two trips out. It's too late to talk about tonight's formal dinner now, and I doubt anyone has uploaded photos. Probably still out clubbing. Me? I'm turning in. Study group tomorrow, and I intend to make the most of it.

Buenas noches

2007-08-03T00:52:00.000+08:00

I cannot crack now, I must not. I owe us both an answer, though it might be an answer I fear knowing. I've also committed myself to helping them, and I'm absolutely willing, because they're willing to help themselves. And honestly, its only the second week of the semester. It's absolutely pathetic to crack now. If I can't handle the work now, how am I going to handle worse in the future?

I need to get a grip. I will not crack

新不了情

2007-07-31T16:42:00.000+08:00

词:黄郁曲:鲍比达

心若倦了泪也干了
这份深情难舍难了
曾经拥有天荒地老
已不见你暮幕与朝朝
这一份情永远难了
愿来生还能再度拥抱
爱一个人如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切我不知道
回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了情难了

心若倦了泪也干了
这份深情难舍难了
曾经拥有天荒地老
已不见你暮幕与朝朝
这一份情永远难了
愿来生还能再度拥抱
爱一个人如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切我不知道
回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了情难了

回忆过去痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了深情难了
缘难了深情难了

Just because it fits my mood. And also because I adore it

escape artist

2007-07-31T10:17:00.000+08:00

Frustrated. I can't study. Frustrated. Problems I don't know how to solve. Maybe I'm afraid of the solution. Maybe I'm just too tired. Maybe I'm sick of crying. But being sick of crying doesn't mean I don't. And I try to ignore it, to forget it, by burying myself in Guyton and in Moore and in learning everything I need to know about the cardiovascular system. It doesn't work, not even when I tell myself that I must learn it all, that I'm not going to kill someone in the future because I was too emotional to study in my first year. It doesn't work, because every time I get close to being able to focus, I find I'm beginning to cry again. I hate crying. I never let myself cry if I can help it. But with you, nothing stops the tears, no matter what I do. It doesn't work, because I can hear you in my head, telling me I'm running away. I don't like running away. You told me before, it's escapist, it solves nothing. And I know it's true.

Maybe I was running away yesterday. But who cares, it worked, it got me on track and I managed to finish preparing for today's lectures last night. And I went to bed feeling good about myself. I woke up late, too late to carry out my insane study plans for the morning, too late to even go down for breakfast. But I still feel good about myself. Temporary relief, I'll probably go back to being moody again at some point. But for now, I'm focused and I'm okay, as long as I don't let myself dwell on it.

Sometimes you just need to get away. Joel and Arthur, thank you for the lunch and pianos and laughter yesterday afternoon, I really appreciate it.

(a little more than) one week on..

2007-07-04T14:50:00.000+08:00

1. Make earrings.
2. Multiply that by 3 2. pairs. ~~Oh gosh I just thought of using Snitches in the design...~~ Just used that particular idea. yay! hmm what's next?
3. Make necklace(s?) Finished 1, might do another. Blue/silver or red/black?
4. Finish the books I brought home ~slowly but surely~
5. Watch OotP. Dawn had better be free to go.
6. Start choreographing... but I still haven’t picked a song
7. Go out with us_six. only Annie ain't around (glares in her general direction)
~~8. KTV with tommy more people... is it still on?~~ doesn’t seem to be on anymore. *sigh*
9. blog more. Heh. I’ve got some long-overdue pictures…
10. Play piano!!!
11. Actually do everything I've listed above...

Oh yea, MGC sem 1 results have been posted. Did I do okay? yeah, I can't deny that. Am I satisfied? not quite, I should have done so much better. (O the angst-ridden whingings of a perfectionist...) Still, I didn't do as well as I expected, and no amount of "but it's ok what!"-type statements are going to dampen the disappointment of not meeting my own expectations.

But now, methinks it's time I quit whining and get to work on point 4.

2007-07-03T00:30:00.000+08:00

not something I do often, but well, it's interesting...

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

张靓颖...

2007-07-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

omg she has a crazy range. And that's what I'm going to work for.

*worships her*

新不了情

Loving You

this is probably going to be utterly random...

2007-06-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

I really should be sleeping... so pardon me for any typos I might make in the course of this post. I can't say i did much that could be considered tiring today, so I guess it's walking under the blazing sun that got to me.

I dont' remember it being this hot walking around NTU, except for the one time Annie and I walked to SBS from NIE after lunch. And today, today, I just had be smart enough to get off just before Esther's place, and then find out that she and Kai were still at Jurong Point... and then walk all the way canteen 13. It's not like I haven't walked that route before in NTU, but my impression was that it was a lot cooler the last time I did that. But anyway, lunch was good... catching up with them, having food from the Korean stall. I'll probably go over to NTU again while I'm here, to pester Esther and maybe drag her to NIE for lunch? hehehe I do miss the fish there. And the chicken rice ain't bad either. ahh just thinking about it makes me hungry... yesyesyes I'll have to pop by again.

Still, I prefer the part after lunch, when we went back to Esther's room (sigh Kai your meeting took so long... *whine* how was it?) and just talked and talked about being overseas and being home, random stuff about random events and random people. And some not-so-random anime... did you get the exchange thing sorted out in the end, Esther?

ooh and I finally got started on Phase 1 of my dastardly plan... muahahaha this is going to be fun.

菊花台 is a pretty song... it's been stuck in my head most of the day, really. It just makes me want to dance. But then, lots of songs do that. I wonder what tomorrow's song will be... yesterday's was an extremely confusing amalgamation of Hallelujah, Ave Maria (Bach/Gounod) and Ave Maria (Schubert).

Hmm going to meet Rockey and Szejia tomorrow for lunch at J8... haven't seen them for so long! Really looking forward to it. Shall bring my camera along too. whee~ Oh yeah and I must remember to buy a few things while I'm out, yupyup.

Joel: what do you consider an "active" blog? And what defines an "inactive" blog? And send me the score for 菊花台!!!

right. it's indecently late... time for bed. And hey, I was right... this post is rather random.

but then, so am I.

freedom is mine...

2007-06-24T22:07:00.000+08:00

If only for a little while.

First... a bit about Latin. Which was. Terrible. Pretty much everyone was shivering. Sure, it was pouring outside, rain coming down in sheets, windows rattling in the wind... It didn't help that the room had a really high ceiling, and very few people. But cold can be warded off with a nice thick jacket. Stress from a tough paper isn't so easily blocked, especially when the paper is right in front of you and you've got no idea what "they flee" is in latin. Or what declension "triste" is. Is it nominative, neuter, singular? I have no idea. Knowing that "ora pro nobis peccatoribus" means "pray for us sinners" doesn't help either. Nor does having Ave Maria stuck in your head, even if it is a really pretty song. and for the person who thinks I'm gonna do really well, you can think again.

Ok. Rant over.

one day, i might just write an entire post in Latin.
........
Who am I kidding?

In other news.... have I mentioned that I never thought I'd hate the heat this much? Still, it's home, and you really can't beat having nice, simple, risk-free home-cooked food. Like plain steamed fish, which i've been craving for the entire semester. And fish+cabbage soup. I like my food cooked simply, without all sorts of extra flavours.

I'm making myself hungry. *note to self: flee temptation!

Oh right NOW I remember the word for "I flee". dots... fat load of help "fugio" is now.

I've been on a Potterish bent of late... bouncing in my seat with anticipation over the last book, which I'm so going to pick up the day after I get back to Perth. whee~ And in true Hermione fashion, I've actually made a list of things to do while I'm free...

1. Make earrings.
2. Multiply that by 3. pairs. Oh gosh I just thought of using Snitches in the design...
3. Make necklace(s?)
4. Finish the books I brought home
5. Watch OotP. Dawn had better be free to go.
6. Start choreographing...
7. Go out with us_six. only Annie ain't around (glares in her general direction)
8. KTV with tommy more people... is it still on?
9. blog more. heh
10. Play piano!!!
11. Actually do everything I've listed above...

Time to sleep though... even if my fingers are itching to make stuff...

I (heart) sphenoid

2007-06-13T03:04:00.000+08:00

I labelled the SPHENOID as the ETHMOID!!! gah.

why couldn't they have given something easier... like the zygomatic arch or the parietal bone or something like that. But no..... SPHENOID!!!

bleh.

Nutella is comfort food

2007-06-13T01:39:00.000+08:00

Yesterday wasn't quite a good day... let's start with breakfast. We get to have hot breakfast every morning during the exam period right? So a lot of people got up early after dreaming about bacon or eggs or hashbrowns. And they went down to the dining hall. And saw... baked beans. And then they sighed and went to get toast. I had cereal, as usual, with lots of honey! Yum. Nutella was popular yesterday... they guys at my table were spreading such thick layers on their toast that I figured eating straight from the jar would have been more efficient. They were muttering about the lack of bacon and eggs the whole time, about how they should have just stayed in bed, throwing orders at each other to "Guard the Nutella with your life!"

So we had the FAHB practical exam yesterday. The first half was alright, except for one odd photo which looks like nothing I've ever seen before. But, as it turns out, we HAVE seen a similar slide before... different magnification, different stains. At that point, it just didn't look like anything to me. At least I knew the rest. Mostly. Almost couldn't find the last item though, because my cadaver was resting on what I was supposed to look at. Otherwise, the human anatomy and histology section was pretty okay.

But the animal bio section!!! GAH. stupid photos were incomprehensible. Black and white photos of the male and female reproductive systems of pigs, I ask you. How am I supposed to identify anything when it all looks pretty much the same? Sure I got the allantoic bladder but that's about it. And then I got some unidentifiable transverse section of some really tiny mammal. And the dissections... I couldn't tell what some of the structures were, and having broken organs didn't help. The people before me must have poked around a bit too much. It didn't help that they smelled a bit too. Of formaldehye.

How could I miss the stupid gall bladder?!?!?!?!?!

*rant over*

The ducks in Matilda Bay are so cute... I like seeing them sleep. Especially if they're all standing in a line and all their heads are turned to the left and tucked in. There was a little black cygnet too, which I saw the last time I was there. I suspect I might have seen its mummy before... I wonder where she is? Oh, no pelicans yesterday though... sad... Next time, I'm going to walk further upstream. Hopefully I'll get to see dolphins.

Ah yes... breakfast today was loads better... Bacon and tomatoes!!! Hahahaha.. yum. Really salty bacon, but the tomatoes hid the taste. But the best part? Nutella with cereal. Arthur is so going to kill me for it. Maybe I'll kill myself studying for FAHB and FMC first and save him the trouble? Oh gosh FMC. That will REALLY kill me.

As the cute one orders, so I shall do

2007-06-02T11:55:00.000+08:00

Hah. I just realised I can say that in Latin!!! Only there isn't an equivalent for cute one that I know of. ut cute one iubet, ita ego faciam. But I digress. I need to keep the cute one entertained, don't I? (Yes cute one you know who you are.) So here's a few pics from last Saturday's dinner...

Let it be known that Flamethrowers Are Cool... We got to watch them while the pre-dinner drinks and snacks were served

See what I mean?
And then... into the dining hall for the dinner (for most) and performances (for the rest of us). Well... we were supposed to get ready, but we'd already changed, so instead...

Performances. The guys' banghra was really, really, cool. And fun to watch too.

Food. yummy. I'm hungry AGAIN.

Performing with Ericius. Good song, excellent pianist, good singers... but terrible sound system. Every note from us and the piano went through the mics and came out off-pitch. And the dining hall doesn't have very good acoustics either. *sigh* I really prefer to sing in the chapel. It sounds so much better.

Random photos

This is what happens when you try to get these two to take a photo.
First, force them to stand still and not hide their faces.

Then comes my retribution. *sigh*

Fun? You'd better believe it. I think I know what to do for next year's already... ahahaha

dots. I started on this post at 11am on Saturday. and there are just so many pics and such a slow connection that it takes aaaaaaaaaages to upload them all. That's why I'm only posting now. sigh... I can't believe it took that long. but! It's done!!!

i need to...

2007-05-22T21:32:00.000+08:00

1. do filing
2. Study
3. Eat!! because studying makes me hungry. I miss mummy's food. *plaintive sigh*
4. Finish aged care report. by Saturday.
5. Get my portfolio into some semblance of order, so that I can
6. Study. and hand it in.
7. Study
8. Study
9. you get the picture
10. so why am I making this list?!

oh, and not to forget practice for International Formal Dinner too! fun~ and the actual thing on Saturday.

I also need to be disciplined. shall disappear now (for an unknown length of time).

oh fine, we just love taking photos

2007-03-25T15:20:00.000+08:00

A formal dinner is just an excuse to dress up and eat better food...

...and also to manhandle poor Daniel into a photo. We being me, Pam, and KahYong-after-a-few-drinks. Sorry, Dan. We just had to do it.

Pity i left my cam in my room (why, Choops, why?). So, no food photos. The food wasn't bad though. Cheesecake made with a dash of Bailey's, anyone?

Pam! Hurry up with that camera so I can have my cheesecake!

A formal dinner is also an excuse to take odd photos. Hey Vinnie! Potential Photo of the Week?

Mel, Pam and the photographer: (yelling) JAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES!!!
(James lowers the tray and saunters off)
You have to admit, the guy has really good timing.

Pam, Charlene, Mel.

And right now, most of college is out having a few more (an understatement, perhaps?) drinks. And they'll probably party the night away too. Just don't wake me up in the middle of the night, and I'll be quite happy and be a good neighbour in the morning.

And going out onto the balcony in my dinner top and pants was NOT a good idea *shivers* It's now 15ºC. I can be so sensible.

nobody panic

2007-02-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

I'm alive! And in hall at the moment... gahh I still lack some things, but hey, hall food is quite okay! (is happy) So far, I've met one person from my block (which, incidentally, has 7 people. yes. 7), but I guess it's because no one else has moved in yet. I've also met the two guys I share a balcony with... one's a med student too, year1. The other? I dunno, he was on the phone when I saw him, so I didn't ask.

Right now, I'm steaming my room (ahh what a way to put it). In other words, boiling water in my rice cooker and leaving the lid half-open to let the steam out. My own personal sauna. *big grin*

Annie, Zhai, auntie Jeannie and Evan: thanks for coming to the airport!!! *grin*
Kai and Dawn: Don't worry about not coming... hope you're both feeling lots better now!

Okay, orientation starts tomorrow and I have to walk ALL THE WAY to Trinity to meet every other year 1. And that's a 20 minute walk. I think. In other words... What in the WORLD am I doing up now?!?!?!

Good night world! and 新年快乐~

because 4/13 asked...

2007-02-11T11:05:00.000+08:00

I did promise to let you all know the flight details... Don't kill me, it's a morning flight.

Friday, 16 Feb 2007, 9.35am, Terminal 2, SQ223

*covers ears to block out the screaming*

Yan, I'll be finishing your earrings this afternoon, so I'll need to pass it to you/ a courier (any volunteers?) before Friday... Dawn and Fio, I do hope you don't mind waiting till June for yours, because there is absolutely no way I can get them done by Friday...

Big hugs to 4/13 for coming on Friday, and an extra big one for HT for making everyone go! Choops loves 4/13, oh yes she does.

Oh right, I'll have to start putting up the photos again... Guess I should start with the newer ones.

How interesting

2006-12-17T14:19:00.000+08:00

How very interesting... my earlier blog disappeared! no matter... here we go again. Just start over