I think "blah" just about sums it up

3 years already, and its still not over. Sure its better, but some days, it looks and feels just like it did before. Troublesome thing... when is it ever going to end?

two-faced

Janus: a Roman god depicted with two faces, one looking back on the past, one to the future. Related to "ianuam", Latin for "door". Fitting, then, that the first month of the year should be named for Janus...

..what, did you actually think I was going to launch into a scathing commentary about two-faced people? Not likely... I just thought I'd stand in the doorway and do a bit of looking both ways myself.

This time last year, I was busy arranging my withdrawal from NTU, busy sorting out what I'd need for Perth, busy meeting up with the people I'd miss. And then O-week passed in a haze of brightly coloured, noisy excitement, dull paperwork, and terrified uncertainty. That first semester didn't seem to want to end, but one thing's for sure: the workload certainly helped push it along. The second semester seemed to go by in a blur... I remember talking to Benedict one night and suddenly realising that hey, a month had passed! It certainly didn't feel like a month then, more like a week. Feeling more at home in Perth this last semester let me cut loose a bit and live more intensely. In every way.

First year, first time away from home, first time at mass, first real Easter... The more frivolous "firsts": first Sri Lankan dance (ahaha that was fun), first KTV (before the exams even ended!), first duet, first KTV competition, first choir concert... And those unenjoyable firsts that made me grow up and grow that little bit stronger, even if I asked "Why me, why now, what to do?" when they happened.

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

This past week, I've also been in a bit of a nostalgic mood, making me look back a little further than I'd originally intended to. Blame it on the music if you will, I certainly won't. It seems like I never outgrew the music I so loved back in secondary school. Four years on, the melodies are just as sweet, the lyrics more resonant.

And those years were so much simpler...

There's only room for improvement this year. None of the slips from the past year, none of the haste or heady recklessness. Enough of the Ds... I want better than that. Enough with the mood swings. I'm taking better care of myself this year. I'm going to be a lot more disciplined this year.

Less than two months before school starts again... am I looking forward to going over? I honestly can't say. I haven't really been thinking about it. When I do, it's not about schoolwork, it's usually about bringing people around, as promised. I guess I'll just deal with the year as it comes.

By the end of the holidays, I'll have saved enough to have bought a few things that I really really want. I'll have designed a few more accessories and clothes. By the end of the year, I'm going to be able to drive. I'll have done well enough to be proud of myself. I'll be a better singer. I'll have taken that step in realising a few dreams. I'll have made a few more mistakes than I'd like, but hopefully... I'll be a better person.

randomness II

Randomness stems from boredom. Here goes....


Saw this on Cass' and Fabian's blogs and thought I'd just fill it in for fun:

RULES:
1.) You can only answer either guilty or innocent..
2.) You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks! (So people reading this, if you want an explanation...mEssage that person)

GAME:
Danced on a table in a bar?
A: innocent

Ever told a lie?
A: guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can't
have?
A: guilty

Kissed a picture?
A: guilty

Slept in until 5 PM?
A: innocent

Fallen asleep at work/school?
A: guilty

Held a snake?
A: innocent

Worked at a fast food restaurant?
A: innocent

Sang karaoke?
A: guilty

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
A: guilty

Done something you regret?
A: guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
A: innocent

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
A: innocent

Kissed in the rain?
A: innocent

Sat on a roof top?
A: innocent

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
A: innocent

Shaved your head
A: innocent

Slept naked?
A: innocent

Been in a club?
A: innocent

Shot a gun?
A: innocent

Donated Blood?
A: innocent

Eaten alligator meat?
A: innocent

Eaten cheesecake?
A: guilty

Still love someone you "shouldn't"?
A: innocent

Have a tattoo?
A: innocent

Like someone, but will never tell who?
A: guilty

Hang out with people you shouldn't?
A: innocent

Wanted to do something, didn't do it, and regret It?
A: guilty

Been too honest?
A: guilty

Cursed at someone coz he/she's not calling?
A: innocent

Ruined a surprise?
A: innocent

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you cant walk afterwards?
A: innocent

Erased someone in your friends list?
A: guilty

Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) man's clothes (if your a girl)?
A: guilty

Joined in a search for Mr Pogi pageant (if your a guy) Ms Beautiful pageant (if your a girl)?
A: innocent

Got totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning?
A: innocent

A total stranger treat you by paying your jeepney fare?
A: innocent

Get totally angry that you cried so hard?
A: innocent


My brother just showed me this... love the ending!


and this...


*hugs* to Bon... no need to feel shitty! we love you!!! Make a decision you'll be happy with, ok?

yes I realise this isn't much of a post... I've been in a rather odd mood lately, having things to write about but not knowing how to put them into words. Oh well... too late to write more. Time for bed!

my source of amusement this evening

www.freerice.com

Found this through Dawn, and yeah! it's addictive. Not to mention that it's going to feed people... I like feeding people, how could I pass this one up?

gaps in my memory? hopefully not!

I'd better fill in some gaps here.... about all that's happened since the last time I blogged. But first... HOME!!!! so very happy to be home, to be sleeping on a nice firm mattress every night, to have the vegetables and soup I was craving. (no fish yet though)

So... gap number 1: Valete.
The last formal dinner of the year to send graduates and leavers off. Speeches were made, awards presented, photos taken... and there was a (very well-made) video to summarise the whole year. But the dancing was half-hearted most of the time, I guess we were all just too stressed about the exams to really enjoy ourselves.

Taken just after mass

we robbed the guys of their jackets... I wore (drowned in?) Don's.

oh no! what shall I do?

gap 2: studying (skiving?), also known as camping in various libraries. My room is definitely not a good place to study... I just keep falling asleep at random intervals. All I have to do is sit down and my head will hit the table. All that camping had better pay off.

gap 3: birthdays!!! Andrew, Persis, me, Char... Good breaks from studying! (think we'd have gone crazy if not for those little parties) For Andrew's, everyone went to his back door to surprise him... the poor guy got un-extinguishable (I know that's not a word) candles *evil laugh*. Persis got the elaborate one... first her bed scattered with roses and placed in a Jacaranda tree, then a mini-celebration with ONE slice of cheesecake and an impromptu mariachi band comprising of whoever was in the library at that time, dinner out, and finally a big celebration in H block. Char's was the day before our flight home, so we had the usual JCR party, though everyone was really quite tired and dead from packing and dinner and shopping. Her fight with Cass over their slippers was so funny... so aggressive! And Aaron got drunk (on cocktails and Tequila, I'm told) on his birthday and gave me a drunken phone call that night (talk about drunk dialing...). Yiying wouldn't reveal his birthday until the day after, the sneaky fellow.

I share my birthday with Nadia!!! We MUST go out soon ok... to make up for the studying we had to do that day. I got my first ever ice cream cake... ...thank you Bonbon! Now I know why you were asking me about my three favourite flavours: to actually make the cake!!! Ahh... a cake that I can eat. It made me impossibly full and soporific though. so very grateful and thankful. *hugs all around* and I got a pretty sparkler too! Thank you Char for the pretty comb and ring and earrings, I'll need to get earholes/ change the earrings to clip-ons. Thanks to everyone for coming... really made me feel like a little kid. A happy little kid!

Sad... Bon's going to Melbourne.................. *sulk*
I'm glad you liked your card... did Ericius sign it in the end? I'm going to miss Bonbon... silly rain, made us miss our sunrise. I would have gone for supper with you guys but I really needed to sleep. Not that I actually slept in the end. Made up for it by napping on the flight, and sleeping for 12h when I got home.

ah... home... I really don't like the heat! And I'm already starting to be busy, not that I mind. KTV on Thursday! whee~

Just to wrap up.. jacarandas! pretty purple flowers for YY!

one more

one more paper to go! 20 more hours, and I'm free. In 24h time, I'll be in Northbridge, getting ice cream.

I think I've lost the study mood though. But no, I can't sacrifice tomorrow's lab. I've got a ton of updates but they'll just have to wait. Time to be studious again!

thank goodness for my rice cooker. and slow cooker.

But I need more than rice! I feel like eating 小白菜. Steamed fish. Taugeh. Simple things like that. And tonight's dinner is... roast.

...sigh...

9 days
21 days.