bad idea, good result

Bad idea: fall asleep (or come close to it) during Brenton Knott's genetics lectures... need to take notes of pretty much everything he says, and half-asleep handwriting is simply illegible.

Good result: wake up refreshed for anatomy lab!!!

Lara Fabian – Broken Vow

Gosh... the power... the intensity... and the voice. I really prefer this original version to Josh Groban's (not that he isn't stunning too). I'll get there one day.

truth

I've said time and again, it's what I wanted, and I have no regrets. So why do I still feel so messed up? Why do I still react so strongly to you? And the truth came out from the long talk with Bon last night.

I remember telling you this before:
I'll miss you if you go.

Mi mancherai, se te ne vai

Last night I took a good look inside myself, and I know it to be true.

Mi guardo e trovo un vuoto dentro me
Quando mi guardo intorno E sento che mi manchi

I've missed you from the moment you got on that plane. Perhaps you didn't know it, but you had an extra item in your luggage that day... because some of my happiness went with you.

E l'allegria, amica mia, va via con te

Last night I admitted to myself, I miss you, I miss what we had.

Mi manchi

It hits me at random times: when I see a sunset that you'd love to take a picture of, when I see happy loving couples, when I pick up a pink top (one of them, though I have many). When it turns cold and I know you'd love it. Certain songs, even lights... When I come across something extremely nerdy, when I'm stressed and tell myself to let go and relax a while.

Quando il sole da la mano all'orizzonte...

Let go? You're making it awfully hard for me to do that.

Nei tuoi sguardi
E in quell sorriso un pò incosciente
Nelle scuse di quei tuoi probabilmente
Sei quell nodo in gola che non scende giù
E tu e tu

Sometimes I wish I could just call you again, that we could have those talks that go on until 3am. Little things like that... and I guess... I'm just living in the shadow of what was.

Come l'ombra di qualcosa ancora mia.

I can pretend to be okay, but I miss you.

Posso far finta di star bene ma mi manchi

Soon I won't have to pretend. One day, I'll be okay. Mi manchi, I miss what we had, but I won't go back. Because we haven't had any of that for a long time, we didn't just lose it. I'm not turning back, I'm not coming back. We've all got to move on somehow.

I could find someone else, but that would be wrong, that would be cheating. Cheating myself, cheating him, cheating you.

Mi manchi e potrei
Cercarmi un'altra donna ma m'ingannerei

I'm not going to look back. It's taken me long enough to come to this decision, and I know it's what I want, that I'll have no regrets.

I don't hate you. I still care, I'll still be your friend. But nothing more

impulsive again

Running out to Matilda Bay in the cold, just to see fireworks. It's insane and impulsive... and induces an absolute high~

so pretty!!!! I'm going again tomorrow

I flipped through a book and thought it was good, all of it. Then I started reading it, and I saw that the writing wasn't always good, that the content wasn't always that gripping, that the summary on the back cover only shows off and emphasises the selling points. I'm glad I got prodded into reading it closely, and for the help I got in reading is, cos literature really isn't my strong point. And I'm really glad I didn't buy the book in the end

I woke up confident this morning. Confident that I'm free, or will be, sometime soon. Confident that I'm stubborn enough to get what I want. That I won't succumb to the temptation and change my mind.

week 38...

...hasn't been great so far. And as pessimistic as it sounds, it doesn't seem to be getting any better (guess what? it's already Friday!)... lots left to do, and not enough time...

Why bad? Hm.... let's just say... a combination of tests and certain people.

At least the midsem is over. It wasn't great by any means, but it's over, and that's a relief. Today's quiz is a sure-fail, because 1. I didn't feel like studying after the midsem, and 2. I skipped a lecture.

I hear you gasp. Choops skipped a lecture? Choops not study? That's a first. But honestly, would YOU study for a 0.5% quiz after slogging for more than a week on a midsem? I think my time was far better spent out having ice cream and bubble tea, and admiring the view from Kings Park at night. Just like how it was better to go for choir to get rid of all the stress before studying properly, than stare at the notes for two hours and not absorb a single bit of it.

And I really wish I had the guts to say some things to people, in their face. But if I did it, it would just seem completely aggressive and uncalled for to onlookers. So I'll just say it here:

1. Now you know it's you. (I don't think you're THAT clueless)
2. Don't play with me. Don't amuse yourself at my expense. I can take jokes, but there's gotta be a limit, people.
3. Telling me isn't good enough. You have to prove yourself. Show me.
4. And if you were sincere, I wouldn't have to tell you that.

For all that, I don't hate you, nor am I angry. I'm annoyed and confused and slightly at a loss, but I still consider you my friends. Because I've always been able to see your good sides, and I've always known that no one is perfect.

For someone I thought was a good friend: did I do something wrong? Because you're being strangely distant. I've seen that sort of distance before from you, but this time, I'm on the receiving end and I don't know why. If it's something I did, I'll gladly make amends because this distance just isn't right. But I can't do it right if I don't know what's gone wrong.